My father died on this day 33 years ago. What have your emotions been? Others, like my grandmother, made a concerted effort not to cry (or at least not to let anyone see them cry). I felt so guilty for thinking that all my little stresses were so important that I couldn’t take five minutes to call my aunt and wish her a happy birthday. When I moved away from home, I still talked to my aunt frequently. New York: Columbia University Press. Thanks for that validation. It is an unwavering truth that love never dies. Could my brother understand how it was for me, when he had 17 more years with Dad, they worked together and shared a very different relationship? You can get your My interviewee was a college student then and. In addition to being my godmother, she easily became my confidant, someone who I could talk to about anything, and I loved being able to spend time with her. After all losing a child (even one who is grown up) must be one of the greatest losses one could experience. I present this process more-or-less chronologically, bringing up relevant theories of loss along the way. Thanks for sharing this. Throughout this whole process, the thought that my aunt could die never crossed my mind. I could not understand how this could have happened. Change ), “Love recognizes no barriers. They said it was due to brain infection but the seizures are continuing and there is no sign of infection. Every time I talked to her, she sounded in such good health. The call came at work on that morning of a working week around 10 am, I think it was a Thursday. An individual’s process will be determined by their relationship with the deceased, the support of family and friends, cultural and societal factors, and how they are able to re-interpret their relationship with the deceased. While I respect this decision for cremation, I would have very much appreciated the chance to see my aunt one last time. When she tried a macrobiotic diet, we all joined her. In some ways, grief is the contract we enter into when we love. The author mentions qualitative research that has shown that these memorials are “often creative and highly idiosynchratic [sic], reflecting the tastes and the emotions of the family involved” (Bradbury, 2001, p. 221; cited in Valentine, 2006). When I was young, my family lived a short distance away from my aunt and her family. (2016, Aug 11). How I lived my life was a reflection of her. During the service, I noticed a lot of different grieving styles. I have been very lucky in that I have not suffered the loss of an immediate family member or significant other; however, I have suffered the loss of a family member that was incredibly important to me during my childhood and with whom I was particularly close: my aunt. What has been an experience of loss or grief in your life? I know the kind of person she was, and I turned to her so many times for advice, that I can still hear her voice inside my head and I know what she would say to me. I have had so many people over years try to shut me down in a grief process. Change ), You are commenting using your Twitter account. Don’t miss a chance to chat with experts. I called some friends, and they came over to keep me company. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications. When doctors suggested a bone marrow transplant, everyone who was eligible got tested to see if they were a match. In an earlier work, Bowlby outlined his theory of attachment, whereby individuals develop emotional bonds with others. The last time I talked to her, she was being very active and had taken up playing tennis. Kubler-Ross (1997) developed a five-stage model for the grief process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When I was young, my family lived a short distance away from my aunt and her family. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your account. Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. Each of these theories seems to conceive of grief as a linear process: there are stages that an individual must pass through on the way to accepting, or adjusting to, their loss. When we returned to my aunt’s house, I noticed a huge collection of butterflies flying around her front porch. 2. By creating continuing bonds, the bereaved can continue to have a sort of relationship with their loved one after death. When she needed frequent blood transfusions, we all got our blood tested to see if our blood would be better for her than the supply in the blood bank. In this time of sorrow, what are some resources that you can share with one another? It will take you on a brief introduction. Retrieved from Remember. Our hearts need not be harmed by the pain of loss., America in the 60’s: A Personal Account of a Hippie, Interpersonal Relationship and Paragraph Order, Checkpoint: Personality Assessment and Theories, Why Is Personal Growth so Important Essay. At the house, someone had laid out plates and plates of food. My life was very hectic at that time, and I didn’t get a chance to call her for a couple of days. Immediately after the service, there was a reception at the church. Whether it’s your personality type, economic situation, residential living conditions, or support system. It will always be there in sone way. Has someone you loved ever died? ( Log Out /  A persons personality is unique to that person there are no two people in the world that have the same personalities. At the time, I found this ritual to be a bit strange. At the time, the last thing any of us could think about was eating, and I thought how bizarre it is that when someone dies, friends and neighbours rush over with casseroles and hams. One model that resonates well with my own experiences is Bowlby’s four stages of grief (1980). These are questions there will never be any answers to. I feel quiet tired. After my aunt’s death, my uncle (my godfather) distanced himself from our family. When my mom first told me that my aunt had died, I was in disbelief. Although I wasn’t quite ready to accept the fact that she was gone, I was beginning to realize that she would never really be gone because her existence had marked me as a person.
2020 personal reflection on grief and loss\